Among

So recently something has been bothering me.

With all the fuss being made about the upcoming election, it struck me that neither side has claimed the important Satanic vote. In fact, the issue of the Undead has not been addressed on either side.

So that led me to believe that perhaps a singular vampiric entity must be stifling this important issue. By figuring out exactly what devilish being is controlling the race, I can make my own "Decision 08."

According to several reliable sources, most vampires lose their ethnicity when they stop being human, thus explaining why there are so few African vampires. By applying this simple fact, we can rule out ONE person on the presidential ticket.

On the other hand, John McCain is defiantly white...but that is no guarantee of Vampire. He seems like he has been around for a while, possibly because he is unable to age...and yet the wrinkles and disfigurements imply that he is actually mortal. So again, another person ruled out.

Looking at both VP candidates...Joe Biden has potential to be a vampire...but fails in the sense that he is unable to win anyone over. Vampires are very persuasive and suave in their demeanor, and Joseph Biden is too aloof for this. Sarah Palin on the other hand is no vampire...she is something else entirely.

So WHO is controlling this race? Who is the Undead Mastermind behind all this?

The answer is simpler than you might think. Consider this: John McCain had only been home from the 'Hanoi Hilton' when he began seeing other women instead of his 'dearly loved' wife. Such a strong man must have been seduced by powerful evil in order for this to occur...

HAS ANYONE SEEN CINDY "CINIDUS" MCCAIN EAT ANYTHING LATELY? OR ANYONE?
I rest my case. Clearly, a force for evil has invaded our righteous country. Action must be taken.